


Strife and Makeover in Prospit

by vedinamel



Series: Hulking Menace and Brainless Muscle [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad R.O.D. reference, Dream Self, F/F, Gen, Original Carapace Character(s), POV Second Person, Prospit, Vriska has a fanclub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vedinamel/pseuds/vedinamel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Kanaya Maryam and you have something important to do, but first you have to prevent a murder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strife and Makeover in Prospit

Your name is Kanaya Maryam and you open your eyes to find yourself back in your golden room at Prospit. Without wasting any time you leave the strange soft slab where your dream self sleeps (instead of a recuperacoon, like a decent person) and gather your makeup. It’s time to work and right now, since you are the only among your friends who has awaken in Prospit, you are the only troll who can do it. Not to mention the only troll who would ever care to do it.

As you glance outside your window you catch glimpses of events that are to come, somehow reflected in the clouds. Those visions of future events, however, show no new information. You’ve already seen those things and you are prepared for what is to come in the near future. But right now, the future isn’t important. Right now all that is important, the most important thing of all, it that other troll sleeping in the tower nearest to yours.

You float out the window and weave at the white carapacians of Prospit who notice you floating above their heads. You and your friends seem to be some sort of celebrities to them for some reason. You don’t think you’ve yet done anything worthy of their praise, but they look up to you anyway, so you just act polite and weave at them when they see you floating by, and give autographs when you are in the mood for walking and they can actually reach you with things to sign.

As you make your way to her tower you catch sight of carapacians adorning clothes marked with her symbol. That unmistakable and elegant cobalt symbol. That is your own doing. You just can’t handle all the compliments the Prospitian carapacians give you, and eventually you ended up saying that the only among your friends who deserved such praise was her. In your sleep, you came to spend quite some time telling the carapacians all about her, all of her feats that you deemed worth of recognition, giving excuses to her most disturbing feats, and explaining how being dangerous wasn’t exactly a bad thing. In a very short time you ended up creating the Prospitian Fan Club of Vriska Serket, and you are, of course, the president of said fan club.

Vriska will wake up in Prospit eventually and that’s one of the things you are not prepared for yet. She’ll see all the carapacians wearing merchandise based on her and she’ll demand an explanation. Demand, not ask, because that’s the kind of person she is, and you think that’s wonderful. Anyway, she’ll demand explanations and they’ll tell her all about how you told them all about her. She sure likes when other people talk about her, she likes being the center of attention and you think that’s okay, but you don’t know how she’ll treat you after that. Will she be angry that you’ve been observing her (observing, not spying. After all, dangerous people need someone to look after them) without her knowing or will she be flattered by your commitment to your timid devotion?

As you wonder about those things you lose altitude without realizing it. Once you notice you are just three feet above the ground you prepare to go back to higher altitudes, but you feel someone pushing the sleeve of your dress. It was an old friend, a female carapacian that worked delivering correspondence. The uniform they made her wear was just atrocious and you think no carapacian or troll should ever be forced to wear such a crime against fashion, but despise the terrible clothing (which wasn’t her fault) she always seemed to you as a Pleasant Madam.

You land and greet her. You ask how she has been doing and she says that everything is fine. She asks you what you are up to and you say that you just have a little project to take care of. She asks if said project has anything to do with the young Thief, you blush and say maybe. She hands you a package and says it is a present from the fan club. You open it to find jade colored nail polish inside. She winks at you and says that it is a little something to help you look more presentable to a certain someone, you blush even darker shades of jade and say you have no idea of what she’s talking about, but she doesn’t buy that.

You weave at her and take flight again. That present was most fortuitous, you think your blood color looks very stylish, but you had ran out of jade nail polish a while ago. You wonder if that would in fact make you more presentable to her. You are absolutely sure that your sense of fashion is second to none, since you’ve never met another troll with a sense of fashion, but you aren’t absolutely sure what sort of look she would consider particularly pleasing and alluring. You’ve considered a pirate outfit before, but pirate fashion isn’t your thing.

You float through her window and gaze at her sleeping dream self with a smile. Or at least you would, if two carapacians from Derse weren’t blocking your view. They were tall, had big strong arms and seemed to carry swords with them. No, wait. Those aren’t swords, those are knives. Ridiculously big knives. They ask who you are, you respond by asking who they are. They say you weren’t supposed to be here and you say they weren’t supposed to be here either. You ask if they intended to harm Vriska, they ask why do you care, is she your girlfriend or something? You blush and say that that is ridiculous, that your feelings for her are more pale than that, but they don’t seem to buy that.

You recover your posture and demand an explanation. Yes, you demand, because when Vriska is involved you are all business. At least when she is sleeping, and can’t hear or see you, and therefore can’t overwhelm you with her presence. They say a guy with a big white head paid them to do a little house cleaning, they say they planned to start with the four eyes in this tower, but since you are awake they’ll start with you so they can hear some screaming for a change. You pick up your lipstick, cover your black lips with the stylish shade of jade and when you are done you summon your trusty chainsaw from your lipstick. You also correct them, you say that she has eight eyes, you idiots, eight beautiful eyes.

One of the carapacians charges towards you, branding his oversized knife which absolutely isn’t a sword. When he’s close enough you side step, causing him to go straight to the window and fall. His partner facepalms himself and asks if that was a joke. Now you do the charging, delivering a horizontal attack that is blocked by the carapacian’s big not-swordish knife. You try another horizontal attack, and then a vertical attack and then a 4X combo attack with a double pirouette. He blocks all of your attacks, but seems rather impressed by the last one and asks how you did that, you say you have no idea.

He says that play time is over, grabs you by your horn and throws you out the window. He follows you by jumping off the window and as you flail helplessly in the air you notice that the other carapacian is still alive. He had shoved his knife on the side of the tower and was hanging from the handle. When he sees you he pulls the knife off the side of the tower and kicks the building as he falls, the force damaged the structure and launched him forward in your direction. 

You concentrate and use whatever it is that makes dream selves float to stop your fall, now you are floating nine feet above the ground and sigh, saying that it was a close one. The carapacians from Derse land in front of you, their heavy, yet surprisingly agile, bodies making small craters as they hit the ground. One of them asks if you are ready for the second round, you say you are always ready. The other says that he’ll have fun killing your girlfriend after he’s done with you; you say that she’s not your girlfriend, just a dear friend. Your dearest friend. Your most adored and dearest friend, but still just a friend. They don’t buy that.

One of them prepares to jump towards you, but he is hit on the head by a Vriska doll. He asks what the hell is that, only to be hit by a Vriska backpack. His partner laughs at him before being hit himself by a Vriska skateboard. A crowd forms around them, throwing Vriska merchandise at the intruders. They scream that if someone messes with their fan club president, then they mess with all of them, and you feel touched by the loyalty of your fellow Vriska admires. One of the Dersites screams that that’s enough and stomps on the ground, sending a small wave that throws the Prospitians upwards twenty feet above the ground and they are all knocked unconscious as they hit the floor. Which is impressive because the ground is solid, not liquid, so it shouldn’t make waves. You decide you’ll figure out how he did that, after killing him, of course.

You land and charge one of them, going for a vertical strike that is blocked. The other Dersite goes for a horizontal attack, which you evade by bending your knees, leaning your body backwards in a 90° angle as the blade swings right above you. When you get back straight up you smile and wish Vriska had seen that. The same carapacian attacks again, with a vertical attack which you dodge and quickly counterattack by cutting both of his forearms off. He screams and headbutts you, following it with a kick to the stomach that sends you flying twenty-five feet away. His partner asks if he’s okay, he says that it is just a flesh wound.

You groan, get back up and wonder since when are carapacians that strong. The armless one bites the handle of his big knife and holds it with his mouth. Now that’s a strong jaw. They both charge at you and you get into your fighting stance, ready for the clash, but they come to a sudden stop, sliding a little, when two letter envelopes are thrown towards them, missing their heads by a few centimeters. A catchy theme song starts playing as the Pleasant Madam slowly walks into the battle field, making a little speech. You don’t get everything she is saying, but it has something to do with justice, order and mail. She sounds very passionate about it. 

You tell her to run, but she says that it’s okay, she has done this kind of thing before. She grabs some pieces of paper from her mail bag and fold them together, making an origami big knife. No, it’s an origami sword, my bad. The Pleasant Madam and the Dersite with arms charge at each other and when their weapons clash you can feel the shockwave. Despite being made out of paper, the Pleasant Madam’s sword is held up just fine against the Dersite’s big knife. The Dersite gasps and exclaims THE PAPER! He jumps back, putting some distance between him and the Pleasant Madam. It seems that not only is the Pleasant Madam a very competent mail deliverer, but she’s also some kind of Paper Master. You think that’s very fortuitous.

The armless Dersite says something, but you can’t understand it because the handle of his oversized knife is in his mouth. The Paper Master seems to understand it and says that he should prepare to feel the power of paper cut. The armless assassin dashes towards his adversary, going for a diagonal attack. The Paper Master dodges the attack by leaping back and counterattacks by going for a horizontal attack on the Dersite’s legs, slicing both members. Before the armless and legless assassin falls to the ground, the Paper Master performs a series of attacks in quick succession, slicing the enemy’s body into little cubes. She says that cubes are perfect for packing. The surviving Dersite asks how could she do that, it is his son’s birthday. The Paper Master says that justice is the best present of all, but she will send the boy a letter containing her condolences. 

The surviving Dersite charges at her, their weapons clash again, but this time he headbutts her as they measure strengths, the attack catches her by surprise and he takes the opportunity to kick her in the chest, sending her to the ground. He goes for the finishing blow but you block it with your chainsaw, sparks flying everywhere. He goes for a vertical attack, you dodge by side stepping and jump at him head first, piercing his eyes with your horns. He stumbles back, screaming that he’s blind, which is completely obvious, so it’s an unnecessary statement. You jump again to reach the top of his head and finish him with a vertical attack, slicing his whole body in half as you fall back to the ground.

You help the Paper Master get back on her feet. She may be a hardened paper warrior, but she’ll always be a Pleasant Madam to you. You ask if she’s okay, she responds that she’s fine. She asks the same question and you give the same answer. You ask the Pleasant Madam how she managed to turn paper into an actual efficient weapon, she says it is a long story for another time, because she has mail to deliver. You say okay and thanks for the assistance, she says you’re welcome and good luck with your flushed crush. You say that your feelings for Vriska are completely pale. She doesn’t buy that.

You float back to Vriska’s room and there she is, completely unharmed on top of the strange soft sacrificial slab that should be a recuperacoon, but isn’t. You’ve been thinking on a name for that. You think ‘bed’ sounds good. You sit beside dream Vriska’s ‘bed’ and deploys your makeup. You look at the jade nail polish that the Pleasant Madam gave to you and you think that it would look lovely on Vriska’s nails. Earlier you had invited Vriska to your hive for a little make over, but she refused. She can be so silly sometimes. Can’t she see that you are only looking after her? And part of looking after her includes taking care of her appearance. But since you can’t take care of ‘real’ Vriska, then dream Vriska will have to do.

You take her left hand and prepare to paint her nails, but hesitate. What are you doing? Painting her nails with the color of your blood, that’s absurd! You blush just thinking about it. You could never be that bold. Or could you? She always shows so much fortitude, if you wish to get her attention you need to be just as courageous as she is. You take a deep breath and paint one of her nails. There it is, it’s jade now. You breathe heavily and your heart feels like it’s going to burst. You look at her eyes as if she’s going to wake up any moment now, but she doesn’t. You paint another nail, and then another, and another. Look at you! You are being so audacious! Keep going! Your new found audacity will sure catch her attention. Trust me, it totally will.

You find yourself sweating a little after you finish painting all her nails with the stylish jade of your blood. So that’s how Equius feels all the time. But your mission isn’t over yet, you need to fix her hair and apply makeup on her face, get her new fashionable glasses and…what’s that? You wish to get her dream self a new dress too? Wow, look at you, you became an adventurous young woman in such short time. Good for you, Kanaya.

After what seemed to be hours, because it actually took hours, you finish your work. Vriska now has new glasses, stylized hair, a pretty new dress and flawless makeup, complete with jade nails and jade lipstick. The target of your flushed feelings is looking like a real princess of Prospit now. Say what? Your feelings for her are pale? Pffffff, yeah right. Come on girl, get real. You wouldn’t be blushing like that for a pale crush, come on. Wow! Okay, okay, I’m sorry! You can put the chainsaw down now, we are all friends here. Geez, so touchy.  


You prepare to leave her tower, but you feel like there is one more thing you need to do. You look at her and your heart flutters. It’s not that she wasn’t beautiful before the makeover, but looking at her now you feel that your work has helped bring out her inner beauty. You approach her ‘bed’ again and lean forward, stopping mid way. Painting her nails, giving her a haircut, putting makeup on her and changing her clothes are one thing, but KISSING HER?! That’s a whole new level of courage. Then again, Vriska is the pure manifestation of courage, is she not? Yeah, she isn’t, but let’s be metaphorical for a moment, okay? She values attitude, she values initiative. If you wish to get a shot with her you need to get all the levels of courage, aaaaaaaall of them! 

You take a deep breath, lean forward and close your eyes. Her lips feel soft and tender, the contact it makes with yours sends bolts of electricity thought your whole body and your heart beats so hard you fear it will get out of out chest at any moment. You break the kiss and look at her for a little while. Maybe it will be like in the rainbow drinker novels. Maybe now she’ll wake up, look into your eyes and realize that you are the one for her. But she doesn’t wakes up.

You make your way back to the window and wave goodbye at her, even though she can’t see or hear you. You know, because she’s sleeping. You float back to your tower, with a smile in your face and pure joy in your heart. Okay now, I’m going to say this but I need you to stay calm, okay? I’m just trying to help you, we all are. You’ll never get anywhere with her unless you admit that your feelings for her are flushed, that wasn’t a pale kiss and you know it. I know that the first step is hard, but things will get easy after that, you just have to…hey! Hey, where are you going?! Come on, come back, I’m just trying to help! Affff, that girl is hopeless.

**Author's Note:**

> As this is my first fic that contains an actual fight scene, some constructive critic would be greatly appreciated. Though they had no name when I posted this, I've come to refer to the two Dersites as HM and BM (Hulking Menace and Brainless Muscle) and decided to give them their own series. Although they will be the antagonists of said series. And they will die again. But it's the journey that matters, not the destination, right?


End file.
